DeadName

For the majority of my life, I have not identified with or liked the name that my parents assigned me at birth. It is a religious name, and commonly a male name. The latter has been the most difficult as I am often misgendered at medical appointments and government agencies. I visited my parents forContinue reading “DeadName”

She’sBack

When I visited my family for my birthday (September 7th), one friend I invited to chill at the river was Lynn. I have mentioned Lynn multiple times in my posts detailing my teenage Diary entries (My2ndDiaryPart2, My2ndDiaryPart3, SummerBeforeHighSchool, BoyfriendFantasy, FreshMeat, LesbiHonest, DancingQueen). We met in middle school and formed a group, which turned into aContinue reading “She’sBack”

TheDMVSucks

I just received a Notice of Delinquent Registration/Final Notice in the mail from the DMV. They sent this notice to the address I lived at last year and it was redirected to my current address. I submitted an official change of address with the postal office around January of this year. I didn’t know IContinue reading “TheDMVSucks”

MyTediousDay

I have no job since we are still in the midst of a national pandemic. The united states continues to disgust me at the amount of people that are against protocols like wearing masks for all of our safety. They fail to realize that they would get what they wanted (for things to go backContinue reading “MyTediousDay”

MyFatalAsthmaAttack

When I was four years old, I was visiting my aunt’s house in Oakland. I was sitting in front of the TV in the living room watching a movie. I started coughing and could not stop. I went to my aunt, and was given cough syrup. Unfortunately, instead of helping, the coughing got a lot worse and I started having trouble breathing.

MotherDearest

Most of my life, I wished I did not have a mother, or that I had a different one. I wanted someone whom I knew, could have a friendship with, and that would take care of my emotional needs. I wanted to trust her and to truly love her. I eventually accepted that I could not have the relationship with my mother that I wanted. I would keep her at a distance because that was safest for me.

ScarsMyParentsLeftMe

When I left my parents home at 17 to attend college on the east coast, I was ill equipped to deal with conflict, bullying, friend drama, relationships, break ups, manipulation, sexual harassment/assault, and people who did not have my best interest in mind.

MyFirstDiary: 8thGrade

Note: The quotes are passages directly from my diary. I corrected some grammar, but not all of it, wanting it to be representative of how my flow of thought translated to paper. The text without quotes are my own personal thoughts, explanations, realizations, additional memories etc. I have changed the names of everyone mentioned forContinue reading “MyFirstDiary: 8thGrade”

WhiteChurch

Once we moved to Sacramento and joined our 99% white “church family”, to my surprise, there was no praise dance team. I brought it up of course, wanting to start a group, but the church leaders didn’t know what it was and weren’t inclined to start a program led by an eight year old. IContinue reading “WhiteChurch”

BabyWolfDancing

From a young age, I possessed what they call, natural rhythm. I could pick up beats in music and move in time with them. By the time I was five, I could memorize and execute short routines. Lucky for me, I had plenty of opportunity to dance. Some of my earliest memories of dance wasContinue reading “BabyWolfDancing”