What do you do when nothing can soothe you? When your heart is pounding and your mind can’t focus and you feel like you’ll be stuck in this bubble of negativity?
Many times, I open my meditation app only to scroll through and close the app in frustration. It’s hard to sit still with ones thoughts when ones thoughts can cause worry, sadness, or pain.
I sit in it. I lay in it. I cry in it. I seethe in it. I wait until it passes. Sometimes it’s minutes, sometimes hours, sometimes days.
During this waiting period I’m vulnerable, I’m sad, I’m irritable, I’m hopeless. Triggers become missiles trained to kill. My skin must be red instead of brown because I feel like a target. But in today’s society, is there a difference? I digress.
I’m currently stewing in a bath. Literally and also kind of literally because I just heard some news that was upsetting.
I’ll stew in here until I start to sweat. The water is pretty freaking hot. Then I’ll get out and do my best to relax while smoking hookah and maybe a little wine. Today isn’t my worst day by a land slide and I will survive this too.