Tonight I went to the liquor store with my boyfriend. We haven’t really spoken in about three days. Last Tuesday we had a couples therapy session and it was not good. Not good at all. I was so angry and I lashed out a lot. Justifiably so, but it doesn’t make it any less harder.
It’s Friday’s night. I invited him over because even though I’m so angry and hurt over recent events, I feel like a piece of my heart is missing. We’re accustomed to communicating every single day.
We drank a few glasses of wine while watching one of my favorite shows from my teenhood: Teen Wolf. It’s a MTV show that I’m still in love with. I love all things paranormal. Vampires, werewolves, witches, fairies, everything. We ran to the liquor store and when we walked out with our three bottles a cute group of girls pulled up donning their “party outfits”. I quickly looked to the left of our blue Prius to admire the shiny white Tesla they arrived in.
I experienced a pang of longing and envy. In my slightly buzzed state I could tell they were attractive and excited for the weekend. I wished I had a group of girlfriends to party with on the weekends in a fancy car. This past year I have lost two friends. Betrayed by two friends is more accurate. It’s weird how people can show their true colors years down the line.
I stopped myself and veered into a new coping mechanism. A pep talk. I was having a positive experience with my boyfriend on a Friday night. In spite of being in couples therapy, I know that I care about this person and vice versa. I needed to relax and be present in my current situation instead of worrying about things that I don’t have.
Now we are in my kitchen sipping weird tasting wine and cooking scallops and asparagus. And truly, I appreciate nights like these. I’m not a huge party person and calm nights at home with loved ones are what I truly adore.
Even though my life often seems like it’s “less than”, if I take a pause and really reflect, there are meaningful moments and experiences. And those mean the world to me.